Outsiders
by Beth6787
Summary: An AU to "Endgame." Chakotay forms a new romance with someone with whom he truly shares a lot in common...


Beth6787

New Year 2018

Outsiders

An AU to "Endgame". Chakotay forms a new romance with someone with whom he truly shares a lot in common...

He knew that he had to tell Kathryn soon. He still felt an obligation to her, although of course, they had no formal 'relationship' in THAT sense to betray. If they had had, his current situation would have never come to pass. Yes, he was sure of that. Did he regret that the woman he now shared his innermost thoughts and feelings with, and latterly his bed, was a different face looking back at him than the one he had made so many promises to over five years ago now? In another lifetime. One that perhaps had only ever been a brief respite from reality. His reality now was Marla and a part of him was relieved. It was so much easier in so many ways, they understood one another. They were both on the outside looking in and they shared an unobtainable love. Hers through a struggle with their very souls that had resulted in the ultimate sacrifice and his, through the self imposed cage around her heart and perhaps one festering wound too many. ... of all the women on Voyager he could have fallen for, Marla Maples, former chief engineer of the USS Equinox, was the one the Captain was least likely to forgive him for. He knew why ; whenever Kathryn looked at Marla she saw her own reflection staring back at her in those icy blue eyes the two women shared...

—

Stardate 5569.1

Marla stood with the four remaining crewmen, all that was left in testament to all the USS Equinox family had been. She had made a point of ensuring that Noah Lessing was to her immediate right. Moral support from the one remaining officer they had to look to for reassurance. Although, of course, Janeway's first action once the immediate crisis was over, was to strip her of rank. No matter, she may only be a probationary crewman as far as the Voyagers were concerned but to her small family she would always be Lieutenant Maples and their last tentative link to Rudy Ransom. Janeway had left the room now and she sensed the forced retention of breath and tension in Noah's shoulders release at last. She was listening with half an ear to Lieutenant Commander Tuvok notifying them of all the security restrictions they were under and emphasising all those privileges reserved only for the Voyager crew - which apparently did not include them until Janeway deigned to see fit - when she was suprised by the sudden appearance of the First Officer, Commander Chakotay. Apparently so was the Security Chief "Commander Chakotay, I have just completed my orientation talk with the former Equinox crewmen and am about to escort them to their temporary quarters in cargo bay one."

Chakotay had heard the tail end of Tuvok's little 'welcome speech', he remembered it almost verbatim from when his Maquis crew had first joined Voyager. He only had to look at the faces of the five Starfleet personnel standing in front of him to glean how well that had been received. The Captain was wrong once again, if they were going to integrate these five into the crew and have any chance of them making a positive contribution to the rest of their journey home: they were going to have to build a rapport. It had been hard enough for his Maquis crew, but there had been thirty eight of them, not five. And they had all started this crazy odyssey together. These five had suffered their own four year crossing of the Delta Quadrant in a small nova class survey ship and they were Starfleet born and bred. So to be so utterly rejected by their own had to cut deep. The three he did not know by name just looked stunned and shell shocked. Noah Lessing was barely holding the suppressed panic at bay but in the eyes of the former lieutenant he saw something else. A defiance and an iron will to protect her people. That very same expression he had seen when he had first faced off with a certain Starfleet Captain (brat) on her Bridge just over five years ago. He met Maria's stare and tried to convey that he respected her position. He was not the enemy here. Turning to Tuvok "Thank you for your report Commander Tuvok. I will take it from here. As First Officer I need to assign duty rosters and a crew mentoring system to our newest recruits. I will make a full report to the senior staff at this afternoon's command meeting. Dismissed."

Tuvok hesitated, just for a fraction of a second long enough for Chakotay to know that he had considered defying his authority " Of course Commander. I look forward to your report." And with that Tuvok almost imperceptibly nodded and took his leave.

Chakotay turned back to the five dispossessed souls now huddling together in a group. Their commanding officer, as they still saw her, had obviously been giving them a little 'pep talk' and they would be taking her lead. So he focussed on her as he addressed the group. "Welcome aboard. I am sorry that it is not under more auspicious circumstances, for all of us. For those of you who do not already know, my name is Commander Chakotay and I am Voyager's First Officer. My duties are the same as, no doubt, those of your former First Officer and friend Max (He deliberately chose to use the informal moniker, hoping to breach the metaphorical divide). I can appreciate that it will take you all a while to adjust to life here on Voyager and, although we have no formal ship's counsellor, we do have a very able Morale Officer who goes by the name of Neelix. Should you decide you have had too much of a good thing, do feel free to seek me out !" With that last a wry smile that only Marla Maples reciprocated. "Please follow me to your temporary quarters. I'm afraid the only spare space at this time was in the back of cargo bay one, but I thought you would prefer to remain together, at least initially. I will arrange for permanent bunks for you in shared crew quarters over the next few weeks."

Marla understood and appreciated the gesture. Captain Janeway would not allow the Equinox five to be assigned into spare bunks amongst her crew just yet. She did not trust them and wanted to make them suffer. She very much suspected that it was Commander Chakotay who had talked her into this compromise, thus sparing them from making use of the brig for now. She knew that the former Borg drone, Seven was it? , had a regeneration alcove in the adjoining cargo bay so had no doubt been told to keep a covert eye on them. The subconscious fear of assimilation would no doubt be enough to keep them in line. Oh, she understood Janeway only too well. She accused Rudy Ransom of being a monster, perhaps she should look in her own mirror on occasion...

"So Marla, do you agree?" She realised that she had let her mind wander and had no idea what Chakotay had just said to her and the other four were looking at her expectantly for an answer. She looked apologetically at him "Sorry Commander, I was miles away. Just trying to take everything in."

"It's alright crewman Marples" he said, thinking it best to maintain formality at this stage "I was enquiringly whether you would prefer Neelix to bring your supper to your new quarters tonight, rather than join the main throng in the Mess Hall? I thought the five of you may prefer some time to settle in and sort out who bunks where." Noah, Ian, Mark and Rozeti all looked at her hopefully.

"That would be most appreciated. Thank you Commander. I will return our used utensils to the Mess Hall later tonight, assuming I am allowed to leave the cargo bay unaccompanied?" Janeway and Tuvok had both made it very clear that they would not be allowed access to replicators or recyclers just yet, or indeed virtually any ship's technology barring essential, restricted communications. Chakotay looked pointedly at her "If you would be so kind as to contact me (handing Marla the specific frequency for his communicator) I will collect them later and ensure everyone is settled for the night."

With that last they arrived at cargo bay two. Some of the Voyager crew had obviously shoved a couple of stacks of some foul smelling vegetables to one side and left a small floor area that badly needed cleaning. There were a pile of sleeping bags and some spare uniforms draped over a couple of old chairs they had dug up from somewhere. Welcome aboard, she thought bitterly. Bracing herself for the sake of the others she forced a smile and a levity to her voice. "This will do just fine Commander Chakotay. We'll soon have this place feeling like home, right gentlemen?" This directed at Noah and Mark in particular. They nodded and proceeded to sweep up the muck using an old sack discarded behind one of the racks.

Chakotay felt angry with Kathryn and Tuvok. Frankly they would have been far better off in the brig. At least it was well lit and clean. "Excuse me a moment" he glanced at Marla and headed out of the door. She almost felt sorry for him. He was embarrassed for them and she was sure this was not his doing.

Chakotay suprised her by returning about five minutes later with a hoover, some sterile wipes and portable lighting units. There was an Ensign with him, a human of Asian origin in his late twenties, who carried what looked like three wind breaks that you would erect on a beach. The Ensign, Chakotay called him by an informal name, Harry, gave these directly to her. "We thought you may like to partition your sleeping quarters off from the other four" Chakotay smiled at her. She did not trust herself to say anything. It was all she could do to keep the tears from starting to well in her eyes. There was hope for them here. The entire command team were not as one with Janeway. Sensing it was time to go Chakotay ushered Harry out then casually as he made his way to the exit "Neelix will be by at 2030 hours." just as he vanished from sight.

—

Stardate 5574.9

She's locked herself away with Seven yet again. Chakotay has no idea what is going on, the Captain is being evasive, more so than ever before. And he had thought the whole Equinox incident was about as bad as things could get. Apparently not. She eventually arrives back on the Bridge wearing a phaser holster and takes Tuvok into her Ready Room. Later that day, selective members of security - none that she had given field commissions to - were similarly armed. When he had tackled Tuvok he had been told that the Captain had requested additional firearms training for his team and this was the first cohort. He wasn't buying a word of it. That night was due to be their weekly command dinner but Kathryn cancelled at the last minute feigning workload issues. He could confront her now, but being as angry as he was, no doubt things would be said on both sides that could not later be retracted and he doubted any good would come of it. No he would use up some of his holodeck rations with a couple of bouts in the ring then grab whatever was left over in the Mess Hall once it was deserted for the night. He was damned if he was going to have another meal-for-one in his quarters tonight.

Twenty minutes later he arrived at holodeck 2 to find it had just been engaged. He had pre-booked it from his quarters so he knew that the slot was available. On checking the program running it was indeed his boxing simulation. Annoyed and suspicious that this had something to do with whatever covert nonsense was going on he keyed in his command override and entered. Whoever had usurped him would be sorry. As he approached the ring he was greeted with the sight of Boothby sparring with a young woman whose hair was pulled back into a shoulder length pony tail. She had her back to him and for an instant he thought it was Seven (she would have the audacity to help herself) but then he realised she was too short and she was smaller boned and nowhere near as honed. Boothby was not having to work very hard to hold her off but she was obviously venting her frustrations and was unaware of his presence. So far Boothby had ignored him so Chakotay decided to take a seat at the end of the bench furthest from the ropes and wait for a pause in the action to intervene. "And on top of it all, having suffered a nasty burn to my wrist whilst saving Torres from electrocuting herself, Ensign Vorik sticks a phaser in my face !" She turned to grab her towel and wipe the sweat from her brow giving Chakotay a chance to glimpse that it was Marla Maples. He hadn't caught up with her lately but as far as he could tell from the various section heads, all five of the Equinox crew were pulling their weight on shift and, although they had not made close friends with any of the Voyagers -preferring to stick together - there were no disciplinary problems. Perhaps he had been overly optimistic! He decided to let the conversation with Boothby play out and hope she did not notice him for a while yet. As First Officer, if there was a problem serious enough for the Vulcan Vorik to draw a phaser on her, he needed to know about it. There seemed to be a lot going unreported on Voyager these days. Ever since the Captain had started conspiring with Seven. At least, that's how it felt. Marla had got her second wind and was sparring again. "No explanation, he just pointed the phaser at me and told me to drop my tools. Then he called Commander Tuvok and claimed I had tried to assassinate Torres! Of course, there was no evidence, and although she has always been hostile toward me to date, Torres did at least have the grace to admit that I had actually saved her life rather than tried to take it. With that, Torres was told to fill out an incident report and Tuvok escorted me - at phaser point no less - to sickbay for the Doctor to repair my wound. Tuvok said not a word the whole time and once I was declared fit to return to duty I was frogmarched back to Engineering, again at phaser point and handed back to Torres. For the first time in the three months I have worked for her she actually showed me some compassion. It seems she is not Tuvok's favourite person either. I hate being on this ship. I wish Janeway had left us to die on the Equinox along with the others...with Rudy." At this she stopped sparring and slumped against the ropes the tears openly starting to fall. Chakotay had seen enough "Computer freeze program." The simulated environment remained but the holographic Boothby shimmered into oblivion.

Marla jumped up and swirled to face him, trying to compose her features. "Commander Chakotay, I did not realise you were there. My apologies, I thought this program was free this evening." She had obviously overridden his security lockouts to access it but he would let that go for now. He needed to know what the hell was going on on his ship and Marla did not deserve to be treated so appallingly by Tuvok or the Captain. He would get to the bottom of this and he needed her help.

"It looks as though you needed this session more than I tonight. It's fine. Perhaps we can spar a little together and you can fill me in? For the supposed First Officer I seem to be as much in the dark as you are at the moment." Marla smiled. "Are you sure you want to risk conspiring with the enemy? You may end up sharing the brig with me once the Captain gets wind of our being here tonight." Chakotay had had more than enough. "Crewman Marples, or may I call you Marla?" She nodded her assent " I am perfectly at liberty to share my free time and holodeck programs with whosoever I choose, and tonight, that just happens to be yourself. Captain Janeway is no doubt otherwise occupied with whatever she has been at pains to exclude me from." He mentally kicked himself for breaching the presumed show of unity between the command team. There again, The Captain had made no efforts in that direction for some days now. Quite the reverse! The woman standing in front of him looked exhausted, the last of what fight she had in her consumed by Boothby. "Come, let's sit and you can have some water. Then I suggest I transport back to my quarters and rustle up a couple of burgers and some onion rings. What do you say?" She sighed and took the water bottle from him and with that, he beamed out.

Twelve minutes later Chakotay beaned back with the order as promised. Marla had used the time to compose herself and have a quick sonic shower and put on some fresh sports gear. He handed a burger over to her and put the bowl of onion rings between them on the bench. "My apologies to your bunk mate in advance for the onions and garlic. I hope you weren't planning a date with anyone later this evening?" He decided to start with some levity. Marla gritted her teeth. She had so nearly regained her equilibrium, why had he had to say that of all things?! "No, commander"he interjected "Please, Just Chakotay here tonight".

She paused "Chakotay . I have no date tonight, or indeed any other night. There is no need to concern yourself on that account." He felt sorry for her. Perhaps the Voyager crew had made little or no attempt to befriend her and the others. Or perhaps it was just Marla. There were four men, who all had each other for support. She was the only female from the Equinox and also the only Officer amongst them. So she was probably held a little aloof; a little apart. It must be lonely for her...the comparison with a young Kathryn Janeway that he had met nearly six years before would not leave his mind. Chakotay tried again " I realise that it may be awkward to be overly familiar with your Equinox crewmates but perhaps you could make new friends in time, amongst our junior officers. Especially my former crew, a lot of us only have field commissions, including myself, so we know how you feel."

She looked at him intently and he felt a little of the ice in her eyes melt away.

Marla fought with her subconscious. Just how much to trust this man? She knew he was the former Captain of the Maquis crew that Janeway had incorporated into her crew soon after they had arrived in the Delta Quadrant. She had gleaned most of Voyager's story from Neelix whenever she could wangle a little alone time with him in the Mess Hall. She would offer to help him clean up at the end of a meal shift and no one thought anything of it. It was, after all, a suitably subservient role for one of THEM. Only Neelix had been kind to her and more forthcoming on most topics than anyone else on the crew. And he thought very highly of Chakotay. He had once told her that it was Chakotay that had talked him out of committing suicide when he had discovered that the Talaxian afterlife was a mere fairy tale. Chakotay was the only one who had understood how devastating that had been for him. Yes, she would trust this man, after all there were precious few she could call friends left alive out here. She turned to him "Are you sure you want to know how I truly feel? It's not a happy tale."

"Yes, Marla. I do. Maybe I will understand more than you expect. Perhaps just knowing you are not alone will help in some small way. It used to help another friend of mine..." she stared at him intently, her blue eyes probing his soul "the Captain..." . It wasn't a question.

"I thought we were going to discuss your situation tonight". So she was right, it hurt him too much to go there. Perhaps they truly did have more in common than she had realised.

"Alright. So be it. The truth is that there is no one for me now and there will never be again. My heart was spoken for a long time ago by John Ransom." Chakotay had not seen that coming but he just took a sip of his tea and gestured for Marla to continue "He felt the same way, although of course we could not act on those feelings. He was the Captain and I was an immediate subordinate in his line of command." Chakotay could feel his burger shifting in his stomach. He was transported back to so many conversations, mostly unspoken, with Kathryn. "He never agreed with Max you know. He found the whole idea of using those creatures as fuel for our warp core repugnant. But we could not find an alternative that offered any realistic hope of survival. Initially he closed down the whole idea but Max kept pushing. Eventually enough of the crew became desperate enough to side with him. Rudy faced a mutiny that he doubted he would win. Our numbers dwindled by the week. One hull breach after another, not enough food or water, infections, no medications left in what passed as a sick bay. No medical personnel at all..." she voice trailed off. She forced herself to take a bite of the burger but it had lost all its initial appeal " after several weeks even I started to sympathise with Max. If we left it much longer we would be out of range of the lure and would not be able to acquire any of the creatures. Unbeknownst to anyone else but Flanagan, he had already lured one to the ship, ensnared it and with Flanagan's help - he was a biochemist - determined that the alien's molecular structure could be broken down as a fuel source. He had killed the creature and in a panic at being discovered, thrown the whole corpse straight into the core feed. I had been off duty at the time but we all felt the enormous surge as we accelerated from Warp 2.2 , our maximum speed at that time to, warp 4.5. It nearly tore our hull apart."

She stood and beckoned Chakotay towards the ring. "Perhaps some warm up exercises?" . He understood. This was hard for her and the physical distraction may be the only way she could force the rest of the story past her lips. He got up and threw her the other pair of gloves and they both stepped into the ring. As they circled each other Marla continued " Rudy was furious when he found out what Max had done but several of the others sided with Max. If just one creature could more than double our warp speed for over an hour, then suddenly there was hope. I was torn. Ethically it WAS repugnant and of course, against every principle that Starfleet held so dear. But we were over sixty years from Federation space. Realistically we were never going to see home again, certainly not without either a new ship or a miracle. Max had just delivered that miracle. The Captain prevailed at that time but over the next few days, whilst we were reinforcing the hull, Rudy and I had several long conversations into the night. It was I who eventually persuaded him to go along with Max's plan. At least for the short term. Perhaps we could synthesise the aliens biochemistry artificially so we wouldn't need to sacrifice them for long? Of course, with the state our ship laboratories were in that was impossible. We both knew it but what could we offer as an alternative- abandon all hope? So I helped Max, capture and kill the creatures. We all did in the end. Except Rudy. He knew what was going on but couldn't bring himself to witness it directly or to participate." Marla stopped and leaned over the ropes wrenching. Somehow she managed to hold the burger down. She couldn't face Chakotay "I'm so sorry. I know what you must think of me. Of us all, but please do not tar Rudy Ransom with the same brush."

Chakotay was not sure whether this last was true or whether Marla was just trying to exonerate the memory of the man she loved. But his gut was telling him that she wanted to believe it. He went up to her and grappled her by the shoulders "Marla, look at me." She did, and in that instant, he was sure that what she had told him was indeed the truth. He had seen that exact same look in Kathryn's eyes when she was fighting to right an injustice. "The past is past and we can do nothing now to save those creatures that were - murdered. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth. However, you need to set the record straight on Ransom. If you would be prepared to give me a formal written statement I can enter that in the log. If we ever get back to Federation space there will inevitably be a court martial hearing. It won't help the five of you but it will at least go a little way to removing the smear against the record of your Captain and friend."

"Yes, I will do it. Although I doubt if it will make much difference to Starfleet. He was still the Captain after all so had to take the ultimate responsibility. He knew that and accepted it. However...it will make a difference to me..."

He patted Marla on the back "I know it would."

With that Chakotay shut down the program and they headed out.

—

Stardate 5599.0

He had tried, yet again. Must be the fourth one sided conversation within as many days, all to no avail. Kathryn was not going to leave her quarters. She was going to stare into the blackness of the void and watch the blackness within snuff out any remaining glimmers of hope she had. In desperation and frustration he had talked B'Elanna into eight rounds of back to back Velocity and he must have pulled every muscle and tendon in his body. He had better head to sickbay.

When he arrived the only other sign of life was Marla Maples. "You look as though you've been through the wars, Chakotay. Here, let me help you." With that she headed toward him with a hypospray and dermal regenerator.

"Where's the Doctor?"

"Oh he's on holodeck one. It's his off duty hours and he's busy putting the world to rights in Fair Haven. I pity those poor holograms ! I can recall him if there are any serious cases but I've been left to man sickbay for the rest of the afternoon barring emergencies. Do I have an emergency?" She raised an eyebrow at him and Chakotay gave into the desire to laugh. "I think we'll cope, don't you?" That with a wink.

Good. She had managed to cheer him up already and she had yet to give him any medical assistance. "So Commander, what is the nature of the medical emergency that brings you into my orbit today?"

He looked at her and decided to be honest. "Overconfidence in my skills and stamina. Eight games of Velocity against a far younger, half-Klingon opponent! Ouch!" For some reason Marla had decided on the dermal regenerator before the hypospray.

"Sorry Commander but the painkillers also slow the penetration of the regeneration beam. Some of these lacerations are quite deep. Hold still." He didn't. "Perhaps we can take your mind off this a little. Why don't you tell me what started all this. And I'm not buying that it was purely male ego." Marla gave him a pointed look before she moved around to start on the back of his shoulders and spine.

Damn, but she was perceptive. Too much so. Just like ...no, that was no longer true. And therein lay the answer to Maria's question.

"This goes no further, I have your word?" Marla gave him a short burst to the lower neck in reply "Did you really need to ask me that?"

He winced in reply. Enough said. She waited whilst he struggled with where to begin. Eventually he spoke in little more than a whisper "I am at a loss. Whatever I say, I cannot get through to her. She depressed, maybe even clinically so. Over the years we have been here before. Whenever there is a lull in activity. A little peace aboard. Oh she can cope with a crisis. She thrives on them, that's when our indomitable leader can draw from all her strengths, all her skills and 'save the day'. The Captain is a regular heroine. But in times when there is no external foe she turns within herself. All the guilt, anger, fear and frustration she feels with every passing day we spend out here gets amplified inside her head. She creates her own demons and they are consuming her."

Marla listened and understood. Her Rudy was just the same only he had never rejected her. The tougher things had gotten for them on the Equinox the more he had opened up to her and sought her counsel. Marla prompted "So when did things change? When did she stop confiding in you?"

He barely knew her. Had only had a handful of conversations, yet she seemed to understand so much about him and Kathryn. He wondered just how similar her experiences had been with Ransom. Perhaps it was better not to know, and it would be cruel to remind her, now that he was gone and it was too late for them...Maybe Marla had picked up on his train of thought as she started speaking, not perhaps directly to him, almost voicing her thoughts out loud. As if in giving him a voice she could almost give him substance once again. "Rudy could be the same. He did not blame himself for our being dragged into the Delta Quadrant. We could not have destroyed the Caretaker's array had we wanted to. Besides, we were unaware of the existence of the Ocampa and never met any of the Kazon sects. We were missing six crew but we had several hull breaches and we lost a known crew member in each section that was breached. If the Caretaker took any of us to experiment on he must have transported them out as the hull ruptured. No one was returned to us and we limped away at maximum impulse. No, his guilt was at not being able to keep the ship together, to keep his crew alive. We lost half our people in the first year out here. Mostly medical emergencies, catastrophic injuries as we tried to hold our lifeboat together. Some died of infections, some malnutrition and exhaustion. Then we met the race who introduced us to their 'spirits of good fortune'. It was anything but for those poor creatures - encountering us..." she finished with the dermal regenerator and was about to give Chakotay a hypospray to numb the soreness and muscle aches. He held his hand up "No, I'm fine and I'd like to keep a clear head. Perhaps a tea? Please carry on. I'll get the drinks"

Chakotay made his way, gingerly, to the medical replicator and had to beg it for two herbal teas. So,Paris had engendered it with the Doctor's more endearing personality traits. He made a mental note to ensure that Paris would have a certain astute medical assistant for any future shifts when the Doc was not present. "This is the best I could coax out of that thing. Hopefully it's drinkable" With that he handed over what looked and smelt vaguely like fennel tea to Marla. She sipped, nodded, then continued "Rudy used to have dreadful problems sleeping. He would have nightmares about what Max was up to but felt he couldn't put a stop to it unless he had a viable Plan B. An alternative that would achieve the same objective. Hope of making it home. We used to sit for hours sometimes, mulling over and over the situation. Trying to find a way out. There was only one, but he never took it." She put her tea down and went and stood in front of Chakotay. She lifted his chin and stared intently at him. "The same solution that is staring you and your Captain in the face. The only way out was to face the truth. There was no magic bullet. There never is. He couldn't promise the crew a short cut home. But he could have prevented genocide. He could have insisted that, we take the narrow road, the long way home. There is always hope, new technology, a wormhole, a temporal inversion. We are Starfleet at the end of the day. We have our principles, we have our determination and ingenuity and most of all, we have each other. Had I laid it on the line to him all those months ago, maybe the Equinox would be travelling beside us now. Maybe he and the others would still be alive. For me and the other four, it will always be maybes from now on. But you are different. Your Kathryn is still with you. You just have to make her realise it. Don't sympathise with her or pity her. Call her out. Challenge her silence and guilt. Stop pandering to it."

Marla was right and she could see he knew it. There was something else in his eyes, almost a nostalgia.

He jumped up and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks for, everything. Time to drag our Captain back to the land of the living. With that he strode out, a re-invigorated man.

Marla looked down at the hypospray she was still holding. If only all wounds were as easy to heal...

—-

Stardate 5701.4

He was back in sickbay. Having the last of the damage from that Quarran ballistic weapon repaired. It had had to be done in several stages due to his advancing years, as the Doctor so tactfully told him. There again, the Doc had had his hands full these last couple of weeks retrieving all the crew's fragmented personalities and restoring their memories in the correct chronological order. It was painstaking work and there was no margin for error. Particularly with the senior staff. All their lives depended on B'Elanna, Tom, Tuvok, Seven and especially Kathryn being put back together precisely as they were. Early indications were good. Tom and B'Elanna seemed to be settling back into married life, bickering and laughing in equal measure and both were eagerly anticipating the arrival of their first baby. Tuvok was his usual stoical and annoyingly sanctimonious self (at least from his perspective)and Seven appeared to be back to her humanly impossible efficiency. Kathryn? Was she herself? And if she was, just how much had she been altered? How would she react to Jaffen? In all honesty he could not see Jaffen appealing at all to the real Kathryn Janeway, as in Captain Janeway. After all, the Kathryn that he had met on Quarra was a diminutive shadow of the woman he knew. Lacking ambition and drive. Happy to pass the buck and avoid any real responsibility. Settling down with the first man she had socialised with. She had low expectations of her life. No, she was nothing like the real Kathryn. And yet. He had seen the eagerness with which she had answered the communication from Quarra. As soon as she knew it was Jaffen she had patched it through to her Ready Room. A few minutes later she had come out and handed the Bridge to him for the rest of the shift and made it crystal clear she did not want to be disturbed. Five minutes later Harry Kim had beamed the said same Jaffen to the Captain's quarters. They had been in there, alone, for two hours before he had handed the Bridge over to Tuvok and headed down here to get the last session in sickbay over and done with. He assumed she was still in there, with him. So he had meant something to the real Kathryn too. Perhaps, and this was his greatest fear, there was no difference in her feelings for the man now that she was back to herself. In which case where did that leave him?...

"All done Commander. You are as physically fit as current medical technology will allow. You may return to duty." He had completely forgotten where he was and took a moment to register the Doctor standing over him with his usual smug smirk across his face.

"Great. Thank you Doctor." With that he headed out whilst tapping his Comm badge "Commander Tuvok, anything happening on the bridge that I need to know about?"

"Negative Commander. Lieutenant Paris has confirmed departure from orbit for 2300 hours. Course is set and all systems are nominal."

"Very well Tuvok. There are some matters I wish to attend to in Engineering. All very routine. Could you take command of the Bridge for the remainder of the shift. Should any problems arise, you know how to contact me. Chakotay out." He then checked the location of the Captain. Kathryn was still in her quarters with Jaffen, over four hours now. Far too long for a formal goodbye, all his worst fears had come to fruition.

He hoped an hour or so working alongside his friend Marla would help him regain his equilibrium. It was good just to know that he wasn't alone and with Marla there were no need of explanations, no need for words at all...

—

Stardate 5725.6

Dinner was almost ready. He enjoyed watching her work away in his kitchenette. She was a good cook and enjoyed experimenting with vegetarian cuisine. It had been a long day for them both. Marla had been snowed under in Engineering, the whole team working around the clock to try and implement all the modifications for their systems that the Admiral had demanded. A lot of the specifications, being twenty six years ahead of their current technology were hard to achieve, they lacked both the raw materials and early twenty fifth century expertise but B'Elanna and her team were somehow pulling off the miracles being asked of them. He had been working non stop with both Paris and Kim, going over and over the exact trajectory to minimise the amount of time they would need to travel through the transwarp hub and ensure that Ops could respond in real time to any breaches of the ablative armour. He had then run through all the tactical scenarios with Tuvok and Seven until the Captain and Admiral had emerged from the Ready Room and relieved him. Apparently, whatever they had been discussing, he was not about to be made privy to. Of all the scenarios he had imagined, there had been one constant. He and Kathryn, working in tandem to get the crew home. Together. Except that was not happening. Admiral Janeway was working exclusively with Captain Janeway. He wondered where Kathryn came into it. If at all. He, Chakotay, was not even a consideration. So perhaps she had been right all along. She really was alone. By her own choice.

But not him. The Admiral and Captain had each other and he wished them every happiness together. He had Marla, the two outsiders who had finally found solace from the cold, together.

THE END.

19 of 19 19


End file.
